Talk:Firestarter (1)/@comment-25245967-20150101213701
Hey everyone... so I'm still feeling upset about what happened last night but I think I'm ready to talk about it... what happened is that me, my brother and my mum have been staying with her long-term boyfriend and his two kids. Yesterday me and my brother went to see our dad and my brother stayed there but I came back here because I don't like staying at my dad's place because three times out of five he ends up losing his temper and shouting at somebody and I end up feeling trapped. So I found a solution to that problem which is basically just to not stay the night at his flat anymore. Anyways, I came back to my (sort of, he and my mum aren't technically married) stepdad's flat and me, my mum, my stepdad, my stepbrother and stepsister were all playing Monopoly and getting excited about the New Year when things got bad. In Monopoly everyone always argues about what the rules are. The five of us had decided earlier that if a player lands on a property that another player owns, but the other player doesn't realise before the dice are thrown by the next player, the original player doesn't have to pay. So I rolled a double and landed on one of my stepdad's properties. Then I rolled the dice again and he went "Hang on! That's my property!" I went, "Yeah, and I got doubles and rolled again, so you're too late. Should've been paying attention." Then there was another argument about the rules, and eventually I got so annoyed that I quit the game. I wasn't going to spend the last few minutes leading up to 2015 arguing over a board game. So I stood up and said "Fine, I quit. Whatever. You can all just play the game without me, okay?" I started to turn around so I could walk away when my stepdad also stood up and he yelled, right in my face, "You show me some respect in my fucking house!" I was so shocked. Everyone was. Cause he's like, the calmest person ever. It was so out of character for him. I started to reply, I can't rememeber exactly what I was going to say but he cut me off by yelling, again, "You're so fucking rude, Sam! You've been insulting me the entire game! I won't have this! I deserve some respect!" I had no idea what he was talking about because, yeah, maybe I made fun of him a little bit, but I make fun of everyone. It wasn't like I was deliberately attacking him or anything. I was sending little jibes to everyone at the table. In a jokey way. That's just how I get when I play board games. Or, like, any type of game. Anyway, I had no idea what on earth was going on so I yelled back at him "Shut up!" Not the most creative comeback, I know, but at this point all I wanted him to do was stop yelling. And immediately after I'd said the words I started to cry. Stupid, embarrassing, ugly crying that you want to stop as soon as you start but you just can't. After that it's all a bit of a blur. Today I've realised that the reason my stepdad acted like that was because he'd been drinking all day. Not reassuring, as I've already had one father figure who drank himself into a rage on a regular basis. That's why I was so shook up last night, I think. Because it brought back all those memories from when I was like eight/nine/ten/eleven, before my parents split up, when my dad would constantly shout at me and my mum at all hours of the night because he was drunk. (He never shouted at my brother. My brother would always be hiding under his bed.) But yeah. After that, my stepdad was all worked up the rest of the night. My stepsister, who's nine, was upset too, so she called her mum to come and pick her up, and when her mum turned up she ended up taking my stepbrother with her as well. I wanted to leave but we had literally nowhere to go, so me and my mum stayed. It was so freaking awful though. I could hardly sleep. I kept thinking "If I'd have just stayed at my dad's with my brother none of this would've happened." This might seem like an overreaction to just some shouting, but for me it really affected me in a bad way because my emotions are really intense. So when I get upset, I feel deep, awful sorrow, all the way into my bones, and I feel it for days on end. It's still there now, 20 hours later. Plus, I have really bad memories of my dad shouting at me when I was younger. Sorry for the rant. I feel quite stupid now but I think I'll post it anyway because it helped getting it all out of my system. My stepdad apologised to me at lunchtime and I can tell he really does feel sorry for the way he acted. I'll just need some time, I think. Tbh I just want to go home. I'll be there in two days, though, so it won't be long now. Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you did. Sorry for how long it was.